Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ok- I realize that is has been forever since I have updated. I just have been feeling a little crazy the last little while. We have had a lot of really fun things- and other things not so great- but that's life right?! So- I am officially back at work- which was a very difficult decision for me to make. I REALLY wanted to just stay home...but something about spending almost 30K to adopt our little Elijah- made me think that I ought to tough it out for at least a little while longer- until we can get our debt down a little bit and our nest egg up a little bit. Going back to work was good- in that I work with the best people on the planet. Seriously- they are really incredible- but leaving my kids after being home with them for months...that was a beast.

Before I went back- we decided to take Kenna to Disneyland for a weekend. And no joke- that's all it was. We were there for just a couple of days- but she loved it- and her Momma loved seeing the ocean! It had been SOOOO many years since I had seen an ocean and I was craving it. Elijah did amazingly well on the flight over- and was a perfect angel while we dragged him all over the parks. I still think that I prefer Disneyworld- but I will definitely say that it was nice not having as long of a flight as we do when we go to Florida.

Mothers Day was good. My husband and kids spoiled me rotten with breakfast and flowers and letters and cards. My husband bought me an awesome necklace and spoiled me with a gift certificate to my favorite spa. Ahhhh spa..... ok-ok- just had to have a moment there... It was a great day. Other than the fact that I had to speak in church- I enjoyed just spending time with my family.

Now for the not so good stuff. I am really worried about my son. I know that a lot of moms seem to just worry about everything all the time- and maybe there really is nothing to worry about....but my son isn't growing. He is almost 4 months old- and he BARELY weighs 10 pounds. He seemed to grow pretty good for the first month- but since I took him in at one and a half months- he has only grown 1 centimeter and gained a total of about 5 ounces. The doctor told me that for the first 4 months they should gain about an ounce a day. The kid eats like a horse!-but for some reason his body is not getting anything out of it. I have been taking him into the doctors almost weekly for weigh ins- and I have been trying to pack in extra scoops of formula into his bottles so that he will get extra calories- tracking every single ounce that we feed him- and searching and searching on the internet to try and figure out why a newborn won't grow...but that is where it sits. The Doctors say that if he doesn't gain in the next two weeks that we will start doing some more tests. We have already done some at the hospital- but not as in depth or detailed as it looks like we might have to do. I am really scared about the whole thing. Feeling really sick- like a pit in my stomach. It drives me crazy when I see people in the store and they come up to me so they can coo at Elijah and the first words out of their mouth are "Oh! He's getting so big!" and I just want to say- "No- he isn't! He hasn't grown even a little bit since the last time you said that and I don't know why- and I am scared- and want to just scream!" But I don't.

We also had a death in the family- McCarrey's grandma passed away- and it was completely unexpected and devastating. We will miss her like crazy! She was such a fiery woman- and I adored her. Well- that's about it for us. If any of you guys have any ideas on how to pack the pounds on my little guy- I am ALL EARS!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Quick Update-

Sigh... I am back at work now after three GLORIOUS months of maternity leave. Can I just say to everyone how grateful I am for my AMAZING managers at Continental who were so wonderful to me and arranged for me to be able to be home with my kids. It was awesome to have so much mommy time and even though it kills me to have to go back to work- I am glad that I have such a great job to go back to. It is amazing how expensive adoption can be- and now that I have racked up thousands in debt... I have to go back to work to pay it off. I am so lucky that I only have to keep part-time hours though. And in all honesty- if I have to work anywhere- I am SO glad that I work where I do. I love the people that I work with- and the job is actually pretty fun. But...being a stay at home mom would be funner. Once I get my kids paid off....who knows!



I had the AMAZING experience this week- of being with a darling couple and sweet birthmom as she told them that they would finally be getting a new addition to their family. It literally made me cry. I was worried that I would be the sobbing one at the table- it brought so many memories and feelings back for me as I thought back on when I first heard that my sweet babies were coming. We introduced the couple to the birthmom and she ended up choosing them over everyone else she saw. Adoption is such a miracle to me. Anytime you can meet a perfect stranger and have such a strong connection that she feels comfortable in giving you her child...that to me is more than just circumstance. It was so neat to me to watch it from a different perspective this time. Seeing things more from the birthmother's perspective- and really trying to focus on her...while at the same time- wanting it so badly for the adoptive couple- and knowing just how up and down their emotions were on that crazy roller coaster ride. Being with them and seeing their reactions when she told them that she had chosen them to be the parents was a wonderful experience. So neat. I am so grateful for our birhmom's- and for the hard decisions that they had to make. I am so grateful for my kids. They have completely changed my life. So to Blake and Amanda- Congratulations!! I am so thrilled for you- and I can't wait to meet your new little girl!