Getting better!

Well- My sweet little girlfriend hasn't completely stopped her questions...but I think we are making headway. Thanks SOOO much for all of the suggestions and encouragement. I have been reading all of the different books for a few days now- and am loving all of the insight that I have gained. Race is such a tough issue to tackle- because in one way- I just want to shout at the top of my lungs..."Who the heck cares?! It is just COLOR! It's not like the World is going to blow up!" and then on the other hand...the world has made such a HUGE issue out of it- that it can't just be ignored- it needs to be addressed with care and tact, because my baby girls self esteem is tacked onto it. Ugh. I do have to say though- I am so grateful for the different playgroups and friends that have embraced Kennedy and I. I know that being around more kids and playing is helping her a lot.

Yesterday my sweetie sent me off to the spa for a day of pampering with Erin. He is the best! I mean honestly can you imagine a more perfect man! He watched the kids- and Erin's sweet baby Ella, while we melted into a pile of goo on the massage tables. MMM! I love being with Erin. I could just sit around and watch info-mercials on the Spanish channel- and have the best time with her- she just carries joy with her. So- doing fun stuff like spas was even better. This picture is of Elijah and Ella. So cute! I swear- it's too bad that we are out of the dark ages and I can't just demand arranged marriages.

Elijah is such a lover-boy! He just coos at me and I jump like a puppet.

Oh! Before I forget! Kennedy today was on my bed watching Pinocchio and Elijah started fussing and I could tell that he was getting hungry. So I started trying to prep Kenna telling her, "I'm just going to be downstairs for a few minutes...and if Elijah starts to cry- it will be ok- you can just give him his binkie...and I am just going to go and make a bottle- but I will hurry really fast...etc.." Anyhow- Kenna looks at me and puts her hand on her hip and says- "Mommy! I am 3 years old! I'm not a child!" HA! I about died! I just started laughing. I was trying to keep a serious face- but she was just so insulted that I thought that she couldn't handle taking care of the baby. She has been so fun- and is so sweet with her baby brother. I really have it all. Amazing husband, kids, and friends. How can it get better than that?!

Identity Crisis

My daughter is having identity issues. I am feeling so upset and so frustrated that I just don't even know what to say about it. I am so in love with my daughter that I can hardly breathe. She means more than anything to me. When God sent her to me- I KNEW- that she was meant for me- period. I never questioned it. McCarrey and I set out at that point to make it our mission in life to make sure that as she grew up- she would have more love and attention than any kid alive, and that we would do our very best to make sure that she had good self esteem and a sense of pride in who she is. We take her to every "cultural" thing that we can find. I bought several pieces of artwork depicting african american culture to hang around my house so that she would know that I recognize that culture as beautiful. We joined transracial family playgroups. And every single day- hundreds of times a day- I take my beautiful baby girl in my arms and tell her how much I love her and how beautiful I think she is.

I realize that my daughter is only three years old. I know that it's normal for kids to feel a little backwards and test the boundaries to see where they fit in. But the other day Kennedy said something that just broke my heart. I had tucked her in bed with stories, songs and prayers, and she called me back into her room and said she wanted to talk to me. I sat down on her bed and she looked at me with her bog brown eyes and said, "Mommy- how come I have to have all this black all over me? I don't like it and I want to get it off." We then- for about the millionth time had the conversation about how Heavenly Father makes everybody different. But that we are all his children and he loves us all the same. We talked about how beautiful her pretty brown skin is, and how Heavenly Father picked it out special for her. And on and on. By the time we were done. She told me that she was glad that she had brown skin because she thought it was beautiful.

Since that day- she has not stopped asking me about how to get the black off of her. She told me that she wished she looked like me. Can I just say- It makes me want to cry. No matter what I say- she won't stop bringing it up. Then- came the biggest kick in the gut ever. I was talking about it to a church member who had the NERVE to say to me (WITH KENNEDY STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!) that, "If I was faithful enough Heavenly Father would turn her white someday." ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME?!?! I could feel my face turning red and the heat creeping up my face. I felt nauseated and like I was going to start calling her horrible four letter words and deck her right in the face. She went on to say that "Heavenly Father promised that if the black people were faithful that he would lift "the curse" and that they would all turn white." I went on to say that I thought that was ridiculous and how beautiful my children are and that I would never want that. I love my chocolate babies. I watched Kenna's face- and wondered how confused that asinine statement must have made her feel. I felt like it was going to cause some racially based identity crisis for my THREE year old- and had to leave just stuttering how ridiculous that was. I am just so mad and so hurt- and so worried about my Kenna.

Let me just state- for the record.

I CHERISH my children. I didn't know that God would send me black children- but he did- and I am forever grateful. I feel like being their mother has given me a glimpse of the Celestial Kingdom- where we really are all brothers and sisters- and race and social status and all of this insane nonsense doesn't exist. My children have opened a whole new world of thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and friends. I am proud of their roots- and where they came from. I am excited to be learning about a different culture of people- and in a small way being part of it. I love learning how to care for her hair and skin. Sure- our family gets a lot of extra stares and sometimes insensitive, or bigoted comments...but I would take that and a million times more to have my children with me. And for all the stupid people out there who have a problem with that- or try to tell my kids to be good- or they'll never get to be white- they can just go to Hell.

Any good ideas on what else I can do to help Kennedy- I would really appreciate it. She seems to be really going back and forth right now. And I just want to help her the best that I can.

Cute Kids-

My life is so fun right now. I am so exhausted that I can hardly see straight. My son is up all night long- as most new parents are fully aware of...and every time that he wakes up screaming- by little girlfriend wakes up too. But- with all of the diapers and the spitting up and the rare moments of precious alone time with my awesome husband- I am loving my life. Kennedy is so sweet with her little brother. She is constantly kissing him and cooing at Him. I love it.
So- Yesterday I was just crazy tired. I seriously wanted a nap SOOO bad- but Kenna's energy was out of control and she just wanted some mom attention. I finally got Elijah down for a nap- and Kennedy was playing with some toys in her room- so I went to the bathroom for 5 seconds of peace and quiet. So- I'm in there just soaking up the silence when Kenna barges in the bathroom and starts chattering about who knows what. I start trying to tell her - hey there girlfriend...ya don't just barge in the bathroom on people...and she comes up to me with these BIG huge gorgeous eyes and says to me..."Mommy...you are the prettiest mommy in the WHOLE world!.......Except for right now." HA! I just started cracking up! I thought that was so hilarious! What a kid she is.


Elijah just continues to delight me. He is such an EASY baby compared to Kennedy. Kenna had some major issues as a baby and screamed right through her first few months. But Elijah just chills. Don't get me wrong....he'll completely let me have it if he feels it's warranted...but then he'll give me the sweetest little smiles and life just feels good. I never in a million years thought I would get to have a son. I mean- with adoption- it's just a miraculous thing that anyone would be willing to entrust you with their child...and when we were matched with His birthmom and we thought it was a girl- I just thought that was it. BUT- he has been an absolute joy- and seriously the best surprise gift ever!

Mmmm! My delicious chocolate GQ baby!! What a stud!