Happy Birthday Elijah!!

Elijah- my sweet little "Home-slice". One year old already- I can hardly believe it!!! The day before Elijah was born we took his birthmom, "D", to dinner. We went to the Cheesecake factory and laughed and talked about the huge upcoming events. I remember sitting back against the booth and just watching her in amazement. She was so calm and collected- and SO funny! She would say things that just cracked me up. I was so nervous and excited with the delivery the next day- and so scared. Scared of problems during the delivery, or that things may not turn out as I hoped that they would. There are so many different variables with adoption- that there really is no way to plan exactly how things will go- and I am one of those types of people that have a really hard time with not having complete control over a situation. So I was kind of in a mess of emotions all over the place!! I can only imagine all of the feelings that D had. She really was incredible. She asked us if we were excited that we would have a new baby the next day. I was so filled with emotions that I could hardly tell her how thrilled I was. Then- she pulls out a package, it was a gift for us. I was completely blown away. She gave us a soft pink blanket to wrap our new little one in. And she gave us little lacy headbands with bows that had belonged to each of Elijah's sisters. (At this point in time we all thought Elijah was a girl still.) I was so touched- that I started bawling. So blown away that this woman was giving us EVERYTHING- and then she pulls out a baby gift to boot. At the end of the evening we gave her a big hug and wished her luck- and then went home to wait.

The rest of the story is easy to guess. Elijah made his grand debut and shocked us all when he wore a birthday suit with an extra part. ;)

We fell instantly in love with this little boy who started growling the first day. Out of respect for D- I won't go into detail of relinquishment or the rest of the time in the hospital. It was far to sacred, special, and unbelievably hard of a time to try and relate the feelings of all involved. But I will say- that when D placed Elijah in my arms and hugged us goodbye- I thought my heart would break. I will be forever grateful to her- and will always thank God for bringing her into our lives.

I can't believe that it has been a year now. I pulled out that blanked and headbands the other day and just held them and thought about my son and what an amazing gift he has been. I thought about D- and everything that she went through to give Elijah LIFE- and a family that loves him to the moon and back. Happy Birthday Elijah!! You have completed our family- and brought so much joy and sunshine into our home! We love you sooooo much!!

Happy Birthday!

Dear Kennedy,

Four years ago- I was running around-completely overwhelmed by your unexpected arrival. I had prayed for you, and wished for you for years- and then, literally overnight- there you were. The first time your Daddy and I got to see you, the nurses at the hospital were so happy and excited that we were finally together. They held a blanket over you and made us close our eyes for the "big reveal". The minute they whipped the blanket away so that I could see your beautiful big brown eyes, and your masses of black hair- I knew that I could never love another human being as much as I loved you. I stood in awe at your birthmother- and what a courageous beautiful woman she was. I was, and am, so proud that you came from such a strong and proud woman. I knew that it would mean good things in you.

You have filled my life with so much joy. Thank you for being such a great helper, and for being so sweet to your little brother. Thank you for being so curious about the world you live in- and for allowing me to show it to you. Thank you for your little "Diva" ways. Even though I roll my eyes and laugh- it delights me that you know what you want and you aren't afraid to ask for it. I learn so much from you. Thank you for our little talks when we are doing hair, for being so compassionate and giving hugs so freely, and for cracking me up with the crazy things you say.

I am so happy that we get to go through this life together. I am so lucky to be your mother. I love you more than I can say. Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mom

Christmas

(Awesome picture by Liz Lemon Swindle-she is incredible!)

I don't even know where to start. So much has happened since my last post. Our Christmas holidays started out so happy, and full of different activities and concerts. Neil and Annie came down from Seattle and we were all able to be together for Christmas which was so wonderful! We always have so much fun when they come and all of the kids love playing together. We sang carols and built snowmen, and it was so nice to be with family. But then- just a few days before Christmas- my cousin's 10 year old son was accidentally strangled and killed in a freak accident while playing. After that the world just seemed to stop dead in it's tracks for me. I was just so devastated and heartbroken for my sweet cousin and her family- And watching them try and deal with this horrific loss right at Christmas-time was just so hard. I found that I just couldn't even control my emotions, I just sobbed and sobbed- just so sick at heart for my cousin and her husband- and their little boy who is now without his big brother. And what can you say to someone who is experiencing something so horrific?! Nothing. There was absolutely nothing that could be said to ease the pain of it. Without going into tons of detail- I just want to say that this year- with all of the horror that came with losing Jake- I am more grateful than ever for the birth of my Savior. I can't even fathom losing a child- EVER! I literally get nauseous when I think about it. But, knowing that Jesus made it possible for us to be sealed as families, and that we will be able to see Jake again was such a comfort to me. It is through Him that Jake can be a forever family with his mom and dad and little brother that he left behind. And because we celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime- that was such a poignant reminder for me. I am so grateful- that he was born- and that he lived and paid the ultimate price for me. I am so grateful for eternal families!
Happy Birthday Jesus. Thank you for coming- and for giving us a reason to celebrate.

Happy Holidays!

It is Christmastime FINALLY!! By far my favorite time of the year- Hands down! We have been so busy this year- and it seems like November slipped away before I could even sit down and enjoy any of it. We had Thanksgiving at my house this year- with my brother's family and my Aunts family. I have never had it at my house before and needless to say- it was pretty packed. I even took my couches out of the family room and put them outside on the patio in the backyard so that there would be more room to put tables so that we could all sit together. It was quite a night!

We have been staying busy doing all sorts of Christmas projects and concerts. It has been wonderful. Homeslice has pulled every ornament off of the tree about 50 times- and Divalicious can't stop singing. EVERY single Christmas song you can imagine....every second of the day. It has been delightful- in a loud and off pitch kind of way. :)

The highlight so far this year for me was helping do a tree in Charlotte's honor for the festival of trees. It was so rewarding- and fun to decorate it with my closest friends, for a little girl that I loved like my own. Charlotte's tree raised $2300.00 for Primary Children's hospital. YAY!! I was so excited that it sold for that much! It was a butterfly themed tree- and I know that she would have loved it. Way to go Erin- you did great!!

November is National Adoption Month. Gold star on your forehead if you already knew that. :) Adoption has profoundly changed my family forever. When McCarrey and I first started trying to figure out how we were going to build our family. I must admit that it was very overwhelming. Not knowing whether to pursue continued fertility treatments, or give up and turn to adoption. I don't share this often- but I had an amazing experience in the Temple -that made that decision for me, and I have never looked back. We set out on the adoption path, and I will be forever grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who guided and lead us the entire way.

When we first decided that adoption was they way to go, we did a lot of research. There was a huge national study done in 2002. They were studying what decisions unwed expectant mothers made when faced with the decision to be a single parent. The results literally floored me. Over 50% had abortions. The remainder either married the birthfather, or decided to go it alone as a single mother- with less than 1% placing their child for adoption in a family. Over 50%- gone before they even had a chance at life. Also in that same study- they said that in 2002, there were over 1.47 Million abortions performed in the US, and only 127,000 children under the age of 18 adopted into families. That wasn't just infants, that was ANY child under age 18. Only 127,000.

I just want to tell everyone- how much gratitude and respect I have for my children's birthmom's. They chose life for my children. Considering their different circumstances- I don't know how they had the strength to make the choices that they did. They are incredible women- and I hope that I can raise the children that they lovingly carried to be as strong and as honorable as they are.

Adoption is such a blessing- For everyone that it touches. And I know that God has a hand in it. I know that my children were meant to come to my family. I knew that Kennedy was coming before I ever heard her birthmother's name. When we were waiting for Elijah- I heard his birthmom's name- just the first name- and told my husband, family and social worker that her child was supposed to be in my family. God definitely has a plan for all of his children, and I am FULLY enjoying that plan that he made for me.

Halloween 2009

Well- Halloween was great. Full of WAY to much candy and over sugared hyper kids. We went to a Halloween party on Friday night which was great- and even though I only have this one picture of it- you can imagine all the good stuff. It was great to spend the holiday with awesome friends. Then on Saturday- we went trick or treating with some friends- and poor McCarrey got stuck at home passing out gobs of candy to the trick or treaters. I prepared for 500 kids and we just about ran out of candy! AH! It was CRAZY how many trick or treaters we had! I don't know if it is because we live on the corner- or what- because at any given moment you could look out the window and there would be 50 kids sitting on the lawn outside. I guess that their moms would drop them off there and then after making the rounds on the street they would camp out on the grass waiting for their ride to come back around to get them. Crazy. Divalicious was a cowboy. Which was so typical for her. She didn't want to be a princess because she was worried that all the other girls would be princesses. So she wanted to stick out. She is so awesome. She went around all night yelling "Yee Haw! " which just made me crack up. Homeslice was about the sweetest little bear that you ever saw. But sadly the poor kid HATED wearing his costume and cried to take it off. So we really didn't get a lot of pictures of his costume. It made me feel to guilty to make him sit still for it. Oh well.

Way overdue update...

Well- Things around here have been busy to say the least. My sweet babies are keeping me on my toes every minute of the day. Kennedy's little brain seems to be taking off lately and she is learning how to spell little 3 letter words. It still blows my mind. I absolutely LOVE watching her little face as she scrunches it up in concentration as she tries to sound it out. She loves it when we read to her and is forever pointing and telling us what the different letters are. It is great. Elijah has had so many "firsts" this month. He is crawling all over the house now and is pulling himself up to a stand on everything and everyone. He is still so tiny- that it just seems crazy to have him be standing up! He is a mover and a shaker though- and there is never a dull moment with him on the loose. On a not so great note though- Elijah is still struggling to grow. He is actually losing weight and - It has been pretty rough with him. He eats great- but he just doesn't get a lot out of what he eats. His little body just isn't metabolizing the calories. We have done lots of tests with his doctors trying to figure out what gives...but so far it just seems like a "failure to thrive" case. It is quite upsetting to me- because I feel like I am trying SO hard to feed him whatever I can...and his little body is just starving itself still. He is barely over 11 pounds and he is almost 9 months. Which isn't all that great. He is still in 0-3 month clothing- and they are huge on him. The doctors are talking about putting in a feeding tube to try and boost his calorie intake. I am a little bit freaked out about that. I can hardly stand the thought of my little tiny boy trying to crawl and scraping a feeding tube across the floor as he goes. I find myself crying a lot about this little guy. Just SO worried about him.

On a little bit lighter note- McCarrey and I had some pre-scheduled vacation that we had to take last month. In years past we had always planned huge vacations for September- but what with Elijah's crazy adoption expenses- we decided to fore go the fancy trips this year. BUT! We actually were saved and able to do something anyway. (Saved.... I make it sound like we were in dyer straights!) Anyhow- my mom and dad surprised all of us and offered to take us to Zions for a few days. It was incredible! My brothers family was able to get off- and my folks rented two condos and treated us to a fabulous getaway. We hiked, rode horses, went on a back country "safari" tour, went swimming and just relaxed. The back country tour took us deeper into different parts of the canyon and also over to Grafton Ghost town, which was kind of cool. I had never been to a ghost town before. I had the most awesome time and it was so great to just leave normal life and relax. Sorry about the picture overload. While we were there- we took the kids to see the Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs movie in 3D. They all loved it- and even Elijah was able to sit still. I got this picture of him in the glasses and it cracks me up!!

This is how Mac was loaded down almost the whole trip! i kept trying to take one of the kids from him- but frankly I think he just like carrying his babies all over. He is such a proud dad!

This is the truck that hauled us all over- on the back country tour- it seated all 12 of us- and even had straps for Elijah's car seat. We packed a picnic and ate up on a ridge where we could see a panoramic view of the entire canyon. So beautiful.

Sorry that there is only pictures of me- but my honey was holding the camera...

Kenna loved riding the horses so much that she decided that she wants to be a cowboy for Halloween. Awesome.

Let's see...what else have we done the last two months. McCarrey and I celebrated our anniversary in August. We left the kids with Grandma and went to snowbird for the weekend. Can I just say- AMAZING! Aside from the fact that I got to be alone with my honey- we stayed at the Cliff Lodge and we upgraded to the spa level in a nice suite with a temper pedic bed. (sigh) so lovely. It was so great to just be up in the mountains and relax. We rode the ski lifts up and down over and over just snuggling and talking-which was very nice- and the scenery was incredible! We were able to swim and relax, we hung out in the jazz bar and ate chocolate fondue, and while we were there we went to Oktoberfest- which was ultra fun too. We will definitely be going back- maybe every year for our anniversary. I just loved it!

Well- Guess that's about it for now. Any extra prayers around- send them to my little guy- even if we could just figure out why...that would help. Thanks!