Our Elijah has an amazing birthmom. We were lucky enough to be able to see our "D" this weekend. We haven't seen her since Elijah was born. It was wonderful! Even better than I could have hoped for. She looked so great. And it was awesome for me to watch her playing with Elijah and laughing with us about all of the crazy little things he does. It means so much to me as a mom to know that my son will have those connections with his biological family. Knowing the stories of roots and background- are so important for a persons sense of who they are. I am so grateful for her willingness to be open- and more than that- I just love her!! She is just a neat, happy- amazingly strong person. And I am proud that Elijah came from such a courageous woman. I hope that I can raise him to make her proud.

We have been going through a hard time this week. I won't go into details because it is still too raw and fresh.But- I don't think I have ever agonized or prayed so hard for answers in my life. Literally. When all is said and done- I feel just sad and heartbroken- but at peace at the same time. I am so grateful for my relationship with my Savior. He is the only reason I can get through times like these. I am glad that today is Easter Sunday-a wonderful reminder of new life and hope after hard times. And the Resurrection- which brings promises of eternal life and eternal families. Hope you all are having a good Easter too.

Happy Birthday McCarrey!

Dear McCarrey,

You are such an incredible man! There is not a day that goes by when you don't surprise me with your thoughtful ways, or your amazing ability to bring calmness and joy into my life. You are such a loving and kind person, and I am so glad that you are the type of person that reaches out to help others. I am so grateful for your faith, and your desire to be a strong, upstanding husband and father. You are such a hardworker, and do so much do provide a stable and wonderful life for us. Our children absolutely adore you- and it makes me so happy to watch your relationship grow with them. I have sat back and just smiled several times while watching you play with them, or sitting and having "serious" conversations. It is so important to me that our kids have such a wonderful father figure to look up to. I truly don't believe that any child could ask for more than you are. You are my best friend, and I am so amazed at how our relationship continues to grow and get better and better. I can't wait for the next 50 years- and all of the crazy, wonderful adventures that will be coming our way. I can't imagine wanting to experience them with anyone else.

I love you more than ever-

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Shannon

Just a quick visit-

Woohoo for last minute getaways! We just got back from an awesome trip to Seattle to visit Neil, Annie and the boys. SOO much fun! We were sitting around on Wednesday night feeling like we had nothing exciting going on- and randomly decided that we needed to get away- so Friday morning we hopped on a plane and off we went to beautiful Washington. The weather was fantastic and we spent the weekend combing the beach for shells, playing in the sand- and walking through Pikes Market and the various piers. We went to the Wetlands and wandered through scenes that literally made me feel I had either gone back in time, or I was on a different planet, like Pandora in "Avatar". Everything is so lush and beautiful over there! And with the ocean so close- it literally makes it one of the prettiest places I have ever been- THANK YOU Neil and Annie for letting us crash at your place- and for playing long and hard with us. We loved it!! Horrible person that I am- I took my camera- but forgot the charger for it- so my rockstar sis, Annie- sent me some pictures of our adventures that I thought I would post. Mostly of the kids- which is how I like it- and my sweet boy Elijah playing peekaboo. He puts his hands up and covers his ears and not his eyes. I think it is so adorable!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day McCarrey- Every day I fall in love with you all over again.

Happy Birthday Elijah!!

Elijah- my sweet little "Home-slice". One year old already- I can hardly believe it!!! The day before Elijah was born we took his birthmom, "D", to dinner. We went to the Cheesecake factory and laughed and talked about the huge upcoming events. I remember sitting back against the booth and just watching her in amazement. She was so calm and collected- and SO funny! She would say things that just cracked me up. I was so nervous and excited with the delivery the next day- and so scared. Scared of problems during the delivery, or that things may not turn out as I hoped that they would. There are so many different variables with adoption- that there really is no way to plan exactly how things will go- and I am one of those types of people that have a really hard time with not having complete control over a situation. So I was kind of in a mess of emotions all over the place!! I can only imagine all of the feelings that D had. She really was incredible. She asked us if we were excited that we would have a new baby the next day. I was so filled with emotions that I could hardly tell her how thrilled I was. Then- she pulls out a package, it was a gift for us. I was completely blown away. She gave us a soft pink blanket to wrap our new little one in. And she gave us little lacy headbands with bows that had belonged to each of Elijah's sisters. (At this point in time we all thought Elijah was a girl still.) I was so touched- that I started bawling. So blown away that this woman was giving us EVERYTHING- and then she pulls out a baby gift to boot. At the end of the evening we gave her a big hug and wished her luck- and then went home to wait.

The rest of the story is easy to guess. Elijah made his grand debut and shocked us all when he wore a birthday suit with an extra part. ;)

We fell instantly in love with this little boy who started growling the first day. Out of respect for D- I won't go into detail of relinquishment or the rest of the time in the hospital. It was far to sacred, special, and unbelievably hard of a time to try and relate the feelings of all involved. But I will say- that when D placed Elijah in my arms and hugged us goodbye- I thought my heart would break. I will be forever grateful to her- and will always thank God for bringing her into our lives.

I can't believe that it has been a year now. I pulled out that blanked and headbands the other day and just held them and thought about my son and what an amazing gift he has been. I thought about D- and everything that she went through to give Elijah LIFE- and a family that loves him to the moon and back. Happy Birthday Elijah!! You have completed our family- and brought so much joy and sunshine into our home! We love you sooooo much!!

Happy Birthday!

Dear Kennedy,

Four years ago- I was running around-completely overwhelmed by your unexpected arrival. I had prayed for you, and wished for you for years- and then, literally overnight- there you were. The first time your Daddy and I got to see you, the nurses at the hospital were so happy and excited that we were finally together. They held a blanket over you and made us close our eyes for the "big reveal". The minute they whipped the blanket away so that I could see your beautiful big brown eyes, and your masses of black hair- I knew that I could never love another human being as much as I loved you. I stood in awe at your birthmother- and what a courageous beautiful woman she was. I was, and am, so proud that you came from such a strong and proud woman. I knew that it would mean good things in you.

You have filled my life with so much joy. Thank you for being such a great helper, and for being so sweet to your little brother. Thank you for being so curious about the world you live in- and for allowing me to show it to you. Thank you for your little "Diva" ways. Even though I roll my eyes and laugh- it delights me that you know what you want and you aren't afraid to ask for it. I learn so much from you. Thank you for our little talks when we are doing hair, for being so compassionate and giving hugs so freely, and for cracking me up with the crazy things you say.

I am so happy that we get to go through this life together. I am so lucky to be your mother. I love you more than I can say. Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mom

Christmas

(Awesome picture by Liz Lemon Swindle-she is incredible!)

I don't even know where to start. So much has happened since my last post. Our Christmas holidays started out so happy, and full of different activities and concerts. Neil and Annie came down from Seattle and we were all able to be together for Christmas which was so wonderful! We always have so much fun when they come and all of the kids love playing together. We sang carols and built snowmen, and it was so nice to be with family. But then- just a few days before Christmas- my cousin's 10 year old son was accidentally strangled and killed in a freak accident while playing. After that the world just seemed to stop dead in it's tracks for me. I was just so devastated and heartbroken for my sweet cousin and her family- And watching them try and deal with this horrific loss right at Christmas-time was just so hard. I found that I just couldn't even control my emotions, I just sobbed and sobbed- just so sick at heart for my cousin and her husband- and their little boy who is now without his big brother. And what can you say to someone who is experiencing something so horrific?! Nothing. There was absolutely nothing that could be said to ease the pain of it. Without going into tons of detail- I just want to say that this year- with all of the horror that came with losing Jake- I am more grateful than ever for the birth of my Savior. I can't even fathom losing a child- EVER! I literally get nauseous when I think about it. But, knowing that Jesus made it possible for us to be sealed as families, and that we will be able to see Jake again was such a comfort to me. It is through Him that Jake can be a forever family with his mom and dad and little brother that he left behind. And because we celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmastime- that was such a poignant reminder for me. I am so grateful- that he was born- and that he lived and paid the ultimate price for me. I am so grateful for eternal families!
Happy Birthday Jesus. Thank you for coming- and for giving us a reason to celebrate.