Somedays I wish I were invisible...

Some days I wish I were invisible. So let me just preface by saying that if you can't handle me complaining and whining a little bit- then you should just stop reading right now. Because this post is just purely me venting.
I have had a few health scares this week. And now that they are calming down a little bit- I guess I feel more comfortable talking about them a little more. But I have been doing quite a few tests for a cancer scare. THANK HEAVENS the cancer screening came back ok- but that leaves things up in the air as to what is going on. Needless to say- it has been on my mind quite a bit. I have been dealing with the stupid insurance company who doesn't want to cover the testing (because the results were negative) they would cover it if I actually was diagnosed. Which drives me crazy because I have been referred to another endocrinologist for more tests and I am afraid to go and do that- because I can't afford for insurance to not cover me. Anyhow combine that with my own clumsiness... I was doing laundry and I tripped and fell on the stairs and messed up my ankle really good. Black and Blue and crazy swollen. I was feeling pretty picked on this week.
My husband and I have been working like crazy out in the yard to get things looking good for summer and trying to get our garden planted. I was having a hard time because I could hardly walk, and trying to pull weeds and plant was harder than it would have been. The kids were in their glory and getting into everything. Which frankly I feel like is WAY good for them. Elijah was throwing the dirt and digging with his little shovel and every once in awhile he would get a mouthful, which just made me smile. He was loving it. All was well with the world. It was getting pretty late- and time for dinner. I needed to go to the store and figure out what to fix. Even though it hurt like crazy to walk that much- I brushed the dirt off of our clothes. Wiped the kids faces off- and went to the store. I realize that we looked like we had been working out in the yard all day. But hey- we had been working out in the yard all day. Anyhow- I get in line to pay for my groceries and there is a man in front of us who just can't stop giving us dirty looks. I mean REALLY dirty looks. I am somewhat used to it. My family seems to draw a lot of attention wherever we go. And to some extend I understand it. Most people aren't used to seeing transracial families and for the most part people are just curious and not so openly disgusted with us. This gentleman paid for his groceries and went out to his car- we were still in line. There were not real checkers because it was getting late- so everyone was waiting to check out in the "self checkout" lanes. Anyhow- it is my turn and I am hobbling up to check out my groceries and this gentleman walks BACK into the store after dropping off his groceries to come in and yell at me. He asked me if the kids were mine and I said yes. And he proceeded to tell me that I wasn't taking good care of them and that Elijah's hair was awful, and that I needed to be educated on how to take care of African American hair. I tried to explain that I have gone to great lengths to learn how to take care of his hair- and that we had been outside playing in the dirt all day- and Elijah had been rolling around outside which would explain his messy 'do. He told me that obviously what I was doing wasn't enough and blah, blah, blah. I tried to just smile and let it roll off my back while I was there in the store. You have to remember that there were 20 other people in line behind me waiting to check out their groceries, and I was hobbling around on a majorly messed up ankle trying to check out my own groceries, while he is yelling at me in front of my kids and the entire rest of the store. HUMILIATING!!!! I finally got us all out to the car and I just got so...mad/frustrated. I would NEVER presume to go up to ANYBODY- black, white, asian or otherwise and yell at them about their kids. And I have seen so many families at the stores whose kids look messier and more unkempt than mine. It just makes me crazy that I can literally not go anywhere without being scrutinized by someone. I feel like my kids have to look absolutely perfect wherever we go because otherwise we get blasted by both black and white. Kids should be able to be kids. They shouldn't have to feel like they need to be completely perfect at ages 4 and 1. I think it just sets them up for major self esteem issues later on. And NO adult should ever yell about my kids in front of them. SHAME on that stupid, stupid man. I understand that not everyone in this world is ok with families being different races- but for crying out loud- this is 2010! If the world is screaming for equality- than you can't keep judging! You can't scream for equality- and then give families like mine such a hard time just for loving each other. I can guarantee you that if I were black- he would not have come up and said anything to me. Or if my kids were white- he would have not thought anything of it. But because we aren't- he just got all fired up. Enough so that he had to come back into the store and yell at us. I think it just upset me more this time because of all of the medical worries and other stresses that I have been dealing with. SO! After this whole long, crazy, boring post- I will restate what I said at the beginning. Some days I wish I were invisible and that me and my darling babies could just shop at the blasted store in peace.

Long overdue update...

My goodness! I have been so horrible keeping this blasted blog updated. I finally caved and got onto Facebook...which I vowed I would never do...and now I am just getting lazy and doing all of my updates there. So- this is my smack in the face to get me blogging again- if only because I like to feel like I have some sort of journal entries on my sweet babies.

Well- what's new with us? We just got back from an amazing trip to DisneyWorld!! Woohoo!! I realize that we go to Disney all the time. I have friends that are constantly giving me a hard time about how much time I spend at DisneyWorld- and the answer for me is easy. I have 2 tiny kids- I am NOT a great camper, and tend to "fall out" of swimsuits...which doesn't really help me at beachy locations. Disney for us is just a great choice- plenty of fun for all- and I can get great packages that are all-inclusive, and a monorail to whisk me back and forth. Life is just good that way. We had an absolutely glorious time- and it was sooooo fun with the kids. Elijah was into everything- and LOVED the characters, and Kennedy is big enough to do all of the thrill rides and was way into that. Her favorite ride was the Tower of Terror. I must say- it delights me. She is so stinking shy and quiet most of the time- so to have her really into the scary drops and thrills and screaming like a banshee delighted me to no end. I loved having her be so animated after the adrenaline rush. We saw all of the Princesses- and of course the "be all, end all" Princess Tiana! Which was the highlight of the character fun for me. I am just so thrilled that they have an African American princess finally! Here are some shots from our trip- :)

While we were at the Magic Kingdom we went to the "Wishes dessert party"- basically it's a party where you get a reserved table for preferred fireworks viewing and there is all you can eat desserts. (And I am talking loads and loads of every dessert you can possibly imagine!) It was oh so bad for us- but so wonderful! The view was perfect!

Elijah LOVED Winnie the Pooh. We had a hard time prying that kid away!

The International Flower and Garden Festival was going on at Epcot while we were there- and they had dozens and dozens of the most AMAZING topiaries! Some of the coolest scenes! I won't post all of them because it would just take too long- but this is the one at the entrance- and the next one is by beautiful Kennedy with her favorite Pixie Hollow fairy, Iridessa.

My favorite part of Epcot has always been the world showcase- they have 11 different countries represented and all of the food, merchandise, entertainment and such all focuses on that particular culture. So here is Elijah sporting his mega cool sombrero in Mexico, and Kennedy in her awesome belly dancing costume hat from Morocco.

The biggest highlight of the trip for McCarrey was at Epcot too. As a surprise- we sent he and my dad diving in the aquarium at the Sea's Pavilion. They LOVED it!! The tank is over 5 million gallons and there were sharks, and stingrays, and HUGE fish and sea turtles. It was so fun for the kids because we got to go and watch them and they could see us through the glass and wave and interact with us. They loved it so much- that we actually booked it again for them- so they were able to do it twice. Kind of pricey- but oh so worth it to be able to spoil the man I love!

I just had to throw this picture in here too- We stayed at the Polynesian Resort, and there was a huge beach there that we could go out and enjoy during our down time. It had a great view of the Magic Kingdom fireworks and they would pipe the music in so we could watch the fireworks every night right from our hotel without all the crowds. SO great! Anyhow- Elijah was running around in all his glory and did a complete faceplant in the sand. I couldn't help but just laugh and snap this picture of him. So cute.

And last but not least - here is Kenna with Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen. They were soooo great with her! All in all- it was just an incredible trip- and returning back to normal life was just rotten. We are almost finished with our bathroom remodel- so I will post pictures of that later.

Say Cheese!

Elijah is a major ham. You can't tell that he ever gets his picture taken. All I have to do is pull something out of my pocket- anything- pens, cell phone, you name it- and point it at him and he starts screaming "Cheese!". So stinkin cute!!

Our Elijah has an amazing birthmom. We were lucky enough to be able to see our "D" this weekend. We haven't seen her since Elijah was born. It was wonderful! Even better than I could have hoped for. She looked so great. And it was awesome for me to watch her playing with Elijah and laughing with us about all of the crazy little things he does. It means so much to me as a mom to know that my son will have those connections with his biological family. Knowing the stories of roots and background- are so important for a persons sense of who they are. I am so grateful for her willingness to be open- and more than that- I just love her!! She is just a neat, happy- amazingly strong person. And I am proud that Elijah came from such a courageous woman. I hope that I can raise him to make her proud.

We have been going through a hard time this week. I won't go into details because it is still too raw and fresh.But- I don't think I have ever agonized or prayed so hard for answers in my life. Literally. When all is said and done- I feel just sad and heartbroken- but at peace at the same time. I am so grateful for my relationship with my Savior. He is the only reason I can get through times like these. I am glad that today is Easter Sunday-a wonderful reminder of new life and hope after hard times. And the Resurrection- which brings promises of eternal life and eternal families. Hope you all are having a good Easter too.

Happy Birthday McCarrey!

Dear McCarrey,

You are such an incredible man! There is not a day that goes by when you don't surprise me with your thoughtful ways, or your amazing ability to bring calmness and joy into my life. You are such a loving and kind person, and I am so glad that you are the type of person that reaches out to help others. I am so grateful for your faith, and your desire to be a strong, upstanding husband and father. You are such a hardworker, and do so much do provide a stable and wonderful life for us. Our children absolutely adore you- and it makes me so happy to watch your relationship grow with them. I have sat back and just smiled several times while watching you play with them, or sitting and having "serious" conversations. It is so important to me that our kids have such a wonderful father figure to look up to. I truly don't believe that any child could ask for more than you are. You are my best friend, and I am so amazed at how our relationship continues to grow and get better and better. I can't wait for the next 50 years- and all of the crazy, wonderful adventures that will be coming our way. I can't imagine wanting to experience them with anyone else.

I love you more than ever-

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Shannon

Just a quick visit-

Woohoo for last minute getaways! We just got back from an awesome trip to Seattle to visit Neil, Annie and the boys. SOO much fun! We were sitting around on Wednesday night feeling like we had nothing exciting going on- and randomly decided that we needed to get away- so Friday morning we hopped on a plane and off we went to beautiful Washington. The weather was fantastic and we spent the weekend combing the beach for shells, playing in the sand- and walking through Pikes Market and the various piers. We went to the Wetlands and wandered through scenes that literally made me feel I had either gone back in time, or I was on a different planet, like Pandora in "Avatar". Everything is so lush and beautiful over there! And with the ocean so close- it literally makes it one of the prettiest places I have ever been- THANK YOU Neil and Annie for letting us crash at your place- and for playing long and hard with us. We loved it!! Horrible person that I am- I took my camera- but forgot the charger for it- so my rockstar sis, Annie- sent me some pictures of our adventures that I thought I would post. Mostly of the kids- which is how I like it- and my sweet boy Elijah playing peekaboo. He puts his hands up and covers his ears and not his eyes. I think it is so adorable!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day McCarrey- Every day I fall in love with you all over again.